Chance and Mischance
by Reliquary
Summary: Every organization has members it is not particularly proud of, and the Knights of the Ebon Blade are no exception. What to do with these misfits? Send them where their talents for disaster will do the most good, of course!
1. Chapter 1

AN: This story begins mid-WotLK.

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><p>It was raining that day in the Eastern Plaguelands. Reddish droplets showered from the dark clouds and landed with loud plopping sounds on the exterior of Acherus, the Ebon Hold.<p>

On one of Acherus' balconies, two death knights were leaning on the railing, watching the rain. Or rather, one of them was leaning.

"Damn it, I can't see!" the gnome exclaimed. She was standing on the back of a plaguehound, holding onto the railing and trying to pull herself up higher.

Her companion glanced over. "Tell that dog of yours to stand up straighter. Either that, or stop complaining. You're getting on my nerves."

"All well and good for _you _to say," the gnome muttered. "You're what, seven feet tall?"

"Eight feet, two inches," the draenei replied smugly.

"Exactly. You just can't understand what I go through on a daily basis."

The draenei woman sighed. "Calie, you have to learn to accept the fact that you are…vertically challenged, shall we say."

Calie bristled. "I'll vertically challenge you!" She launched herself at the draenei's knees, knocking the blue-skinned death knight to the floor.

"Get _off _me, Calie!"

"Who's the short one now, huh?" The gnome danced around her fallen friend. "Not feeling so tall anymore, are we, Saethra?"

Saethra grimaced. "I came out here to enjoy the view, and what do I get? You tackle me to the ground!"

"View? What view? It's raining!"

"Really? I hadn't noticed," the draenei retorted sarcastically. She rose to her hooves, dusting off her armor.

Calie opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the sound of an explosion from the direction of the Unholy quarter.

Saethra frowned. "What was that?" She looked at Calie in sudden alarm. "_What did you do?" _she asked in ominous tones.

"Me? What makes you think I did anything?" The gnome was the picture of innocence, apart from the fact that she was trying to hide behind her plaguehound.

"The necromancers didn't name you Calamity just because they thought it sounded intimidating. What did you do?"

"I, er, may have left a ghoul on the boil…" Calamity muttered, looking around for an escape.

Saethra buried her face in her hands. "Tell me it wasn't in the lab," she said plaintively. "Tell me Alistra isn't going to throw us both off the Hold because you blew up her lab and she'll assume I was involved."

Calie looked at Saethra with wide eyes. "It was in the lab."

Saethra knelt down and slammed her head against the railing. "Powers of the universe, what have I done to offend you so?" she wailed, turning her face to the clouded sky.

Calie pulled herself onto the back of her plaguehound. "Quick, to the gryphons! There's still time for us to get away!"

A furious voice echoed down the hallway. "CALAMITY!"

"Too late," Calie muttered.

Lady Alistra stormed onto the balcony, trailed by two of her tauren disciples. "Calamity!" she shouted. "What in the hells did you do to my lab? And don't try denying it," she added before the gnome could open her mouth. "I saw you go in."

"Well, uh, you see, I was trying out a combination of serums 74A and 22E, to see what the effect would be on a common ghoul, and…" Calie looked up at Alistra nervously. "I might have made it too hot…"

Alistra sighed. "This is the fourth time in the past two weeks that you've caused an accident in the lab. We can repair the damage, but…" The blood elf shook her head. "You're banned from the lab. You too, Saethra."

The draenei looked indignant. "What? Me? What did I do?"

"You broke half the beakers in the space of three days. You overturned a cauldron that burned through the floor when it spilled. You set one of my disciples on fire when you bumped into his experiment and knocked it over."

"I said I was sorry," Saethra muttered.

"To be completely frank," Alistra continued, "There is a war going on. We cannot afford to have people like the two of you running around and wrecking things. There is very delicate work that goes on in this necropolis! Since you two have enough time on your hands to blow up my lab and lounge on balconies, I'm going to send you to Northrend. Perhaps your talents for disaster will be useful on the front lines."

Saethra's jaw dropped. "You can't just—"

"I most certainly can," the Unholy mistress cut her off sharply. "With the Highlord in Northrend, the heads of the schools are in charge of Acherus. This includes you. And I can certainly send you to Northrend if I wish. Now, if you have any business to attend to, I suggest that you do so. You'll be leaving first thing tomorrow morning." With that, Alistra turned and strode away, tauren in tow.

"Whew," Calie said after she was gone. "That went…better than I expected."

"If that's true, I don't want to know what you were expecting," Saethra said. She looked out at the rain. "Good grief…Northrend."

"So it's not what you were expecting. Why so grim?"

Saethra turned to glare at the gnome. "Do you have any idea how much your constant optimism annoys me? We're death knights, for heaven's sakes! At least _try _to be serious!"

"So we're undead former servants of the Lich King hell-bent on revenge. That doesn't mean I have to be depressed all the time, like some people…"

Saethra rolled her eyes and turned back to the view. "You're hopeless."

"And you're ruining my mood." Calie pouted at the draenei.

"Northrend…" Saethra muttered, ignoring the gnome. "What the hell are we going to do there?"


	2. Chapter 2

The Shadow Vault was a veritable hive of activity. Death knights and their undead minions moved purposefully throughout the area, all of them carrying themselves as if they were on very important business. The entire operation appeared to be highly organized.

Saethra was quite impressed when she and Calamity entered the main tower with the other reinforcements. Impressed, and more than slightly concerned.

"All right, you new people, listen up," said one of two orcs who had apparently been assigned to reinforcement distribution duty. "I'm Sergeant Rigor. This is my brother, Mortis."

"How cute," Saethra muttered under her breath.

"Welcome to the Shadow Vault," Mortis said. "This is the frontier. If everything keeps going well, the frontier will soon be somewhere else. Somewhere closer to Icecrown Citadel, if you take my meaning."

"We take it," Saethra muttered.

"Shut up!" Calie whispered from beside her. Fortunately, the exchange went unnoticed.

"You are here to help us push that line forward!" Rigor barked. "Everyone, line up by school!"

The small group of new recruits shuffled into three ragged lines.

"Now, we've been hearing some disturbing reports from Acherus," Rigor said. "Reports of infighting and the like. School rivalry is all very well and good, but there will be none of that here in the warzone!"

Mortis began walking down the line of Unholy death knights. "As such, we are assigning everyone to mixed groups. We won't have your squabbling making us look bad in front of the Argent Crusaders. You don't see _them _fighting among themselves."

Rigor walked the surprisingly short length of the Frost line. "Looks like all the Frosties are already here," he commented with a chuckle. "All four of you, go report to Rianda for patrol assignments. We don't have enough Frosts in the patrols."

Mortis reached the end of the Unholy line, turned, walked back—and stopped in front of Calie and Saethra. "I recognize you two," he said. "Calamity and—Saethra, right?"

"Yes, that's me," Saethra said with a sigh.

"Folks over at Acherus must be getting desperate," he commented with a wry grin. "Calamity, talk to the dwarf over there, what's-his-name; we need more people on the runeforges. Saethra, you report to Rianda. We keep losing patrols and we need to keep an eye on our surroundings."

The orc continued down the line. Saethra and Calie looked at each other.

"Good luck," Calie said.

Saethra rolled her eyes. "Bah! Losing patrols, my tail. He just wanted to get both of us out of the way where we won't do too much damage."

Calie shrugged. "He does have a point…you did knock over that barrel of saronite ingots when we came in."

"They shouldn't have put it so close to the entrance!" Saethra protested. "Anyone could have tripped on it! It just happened to be me."

The gnome chuckled. "At least I'll have Sparkles to keep me company," she said, patting the head of the plaguehound on which she was mounted, as usual.

Saethra shook her head. "You're an idiot," she said.

Calie waved, and turned Sparkles in the direction of what's-his-name, the dwarf over there.

Saethra looked around. "Now, who and what is Rianda?"

"Ishnu'alah, Saethra," said a familiar voice behind her.

The draenei turned around. "Alara!" she exclaimed, breaking into a grin. "Finally, a familiar face!"

The night elf in question did not smile. Alara never smiled. She was a typical death knight: deadly on the battlefield, grim and taciturn when off it. She shook Saethra's hand formally, a human custom she must have picked up somewhere. "It is good to see you again. We missed you."

"We?" Saethra started to say, then out of the corner of her eye she saw Calie hurrying towards a familiar human—only to be frozen in place before she could get within four feet of him.

"Sorry Calie," the human said. "I don't want to risk any dents." He indicated his armor. "This stuff's new."

"It's _shiny,_" Calie said, eyes wide. "Where can I get some?"

Saethra and Alara exchanged glances.

"I suppose you could talk to the quartermaster," the human was saying. "But I don't know if they'll have any your si—that is, I don't know if they'll have any," he amended quickly.

"Can you let me out of this ice? I'm getting c-cold," Calie shivered.

"Only if you promise not to touch my armor."

"I won't t-touch your d-damn armor," Calie said sulkily. "Now l-let me out!"

The ice vanished, and Calie threw herself at the human, who hastily stepped out of the way. "You said you wouldn't touch my armor!" he said in alarm.

"Sorry, it was a reflex." The gnome grinned. "How's it going?"

"Fine, until you showed up."

"Ahem!" Alara said. "Desric, we have a patrol, or do you want to chat all day?"

"Alara!" Calie squealed. "I didn't see you!" She turned Sparkles towards the night elf.

"Calie, don't you have somewhere to be?" Saethra asked pointedly.

The gnome pouted. "Fine, fine…see you guys later, I guess." She turned towards what's-his-name, looking dejected.

"Don't _you_ have somewhere to be, Saethra?" Desric asked.

The draenei grinned. "I have been assigned to the patrols. You have a patrol. The conclusion seems quite simple: I go with you."

"You are supposed to report to Rianda," Alara said.

"I have no idea who that is. Besides, if I go with you, we'll be a nicely balanced group: one Blood, one Frost, one Unholy. It's perfect!"

Alara looked at Desric. "You decide," she said.

"What? Why me?"

"You have seniority."

Desric sighed. "Fine, fine…you can come with us. Rianda isn't here right now anyway, so I guess no one will notice."

Saethra frowned. "Rianda isn't here? Then why did that Mortis person tell me to report to her?"

"Appearances, my dear Saethra. The Shadow Vault looks like a network of moving parts, all working together with perfect efficiency. The truth is, we don't know what the hell we're doing. Having you around can't make it much worse," Desric stated matter-of-factly.

"So where's Rianda?"

"She decided that she needed a break, so she went to the Argent Tournament for the day," Alara said.

"Wh—what?" Saethra sputtered. "Are you telling me that this place is so disorganized that the person in charge of patrols can just take a day off?"

A night elf female walked up to them, glaring at Desric. "What are you doing standing around? You have a patrol, get moving!"

"Sorry, Rianda," Desric said, trying and failing to stifle a grin.

Realization set in, and Saethra's eyes widened in fury. "Why, you little son of a bitch! You _lied _to me!"

Rianda frowned. "Saethra, right? What are you doing here?"

"Apparently I am being deceived by this idiot," Saethra said scathingly. "I was supposed to report to you for a patrol assignment."

"Ah. Lovely. You're Unholy, yes? Excellent! You can go with Desric and Alara." With that, Rianda moved away to harass another group of idlers.

Saethra was still glaring at Desric. "If you _ever _do that again—"

"You should have seen your face!" the human chortled.

Saethra kicked him neatly in the chest, leaving a hoof-shaped dent in his armor.


	3. Chapter 3

_The Shadow Vault_

Calamity had spent the entire afternoon hauling crates of saronite ingots for the forgemaster, and she was _bored_. One would think that they'd have undead minions to do this kind of work, but no!

"Ghouls are too stupid, geists are too fragile," she muttered indignantly, maneuvering another crate out of the stack. "If I were in charge, I'd tell the damn things to suck it up and carry the crates! It's not like they have a union, for crying out loud!"

She pushed the crate over to where the forgemaster wanted them, grumbling under her breath. She was starting to get seriously annoyed with this task. The ingots were _heavy_, and the crates were bigger than she was!

Her plaguehound, Sparkles, yipped at her sympathetically.

"Some help you are," she told it.

Leaving the crate with the others, she was heading to get another one when raised voices attracted her attention.

In the middle of the vault, a human and a Forsaken were engaged in what appeared to be an increasingly intense dispute. Calamity quickly jumped onto Sparkles' back and steered the plaguehound towards them. Finally, some excitement!

"Make all the excuses you like," the dark-robed human was saying. "You've shown your true colors now, undead. The Alliance won't be forgetting about this, I can assure you. For every one of our people you killed, we'll take down _ten _of you, until your whole sorry race has been wiped off the face of Azeroth!"

The Forsaken warrior sneered at the human. "Your pathetic armies will stand no more of a chance against us than those at the Wrathgate."

Calie hastily leaped between the two as shadows began to coalesce around the human's hands. "Can it, you lot!" she yelled. "The Shadow Vault is neutral territory! You want to rip each other's guts out, you do it outside."

The human sighed. "Of course." The dark energies gathered around his hands disappeared, and he quickly walked away.

Calie glared at the Forsaken. "You too," she said as ominously as she could.

"Certainly," he said with a bow. "The Horde respect the Knights of the Ebon Blade's authority over this area."

"Glad to hear it. Now get the hell out before I throw you."

"I should like to see you try," the Forsaken murmured as he strode towards the exit.

The gnome considered sending a death coil after him, but contented herself with sticking her tongue out.

"Well, that was exciting, Sparkles," she said. "I guess it's back to heavy lifting for me. At least there are only two crates left."

As she spoke, two tauren hauled in a large wagon filled with crates.

"Nooooo…" Calie groaned. She covered her face with her hands. "All my alchemical expertise, wasted…"

"Hey, you! Calamity!" the forgemaster yelled. "Move those crates, will you? The saronite won't forge itself!"

"I hate my life," Calie whispered to Sparkles. "I bet Saethra's partying it up right now. Why couldn't I have been the one to go with Desric and Alara? It isn't fair, Sparkles. It's just not fair."

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><p><em>Njorndar Village<em>

"It's just not fair," Saethra muttered through gritted teeth. She had to be a hundred feet in the air above the vrykul village, clutching a pack of incendiary bombs in one hand and holding onto the proto-drake's harness with the other.

They were _supposed _to be on a scouting mission, but Desric had had the 'brilliant' idea of earning some 'extra credit' with the higher-ups by sneaking into Njorndar, grabbing proto-drakes, and burning the place. She had tried to argue, but standing up to peer pressure had never exactly been her strong point.

"Remind me to kill you when we get out of here!" she yelled as Desric steered the proto-drake through a particularly sharp turn.

"Here's one! Get the bomb ready—and try not to miss this time!" the human shouted back.

"Oblivious bastard," Saethra muttered. "I'd like to see _him _try throwing a bomb from the back of this careening dragon-wannabe."

"Now!" Desric yelled.

Saethra carefully took her hand off the harness, grabbed a bomb from the pack, closed her eyes and threw it as hard as she could towards the building below. Amazingly, it struck the thatched roof and immediately burst into flames.

"Good shot!" Alara called. The night elf had procured her own proto-drake, and was somehow managing to fly and throw bombs at the same time.

Saethra grinned weakly.

"Here's another one," Desric called from the front of the drake.

"Next time, I do the flying," Saethra said to herself, ignoring the fact that she could barely handle a skeletal gryphon and would never be able to control a wild proto-drake.

The next roof was drawing near. She gingerly let go of the harness, grabbed a bomb. She made the mistake of looking down, and the world spun. She felt like she was floating—

The cobblestones rushed up to meet her with a crash, and everything went black.

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><p><em>The Shadow Vault<em>

Saethra slowly opened her eyes to find her vision filled by a gnome with glowing blue eyes and pale pink hair.

"It worked!" Calie shouted triumphantly. She frowned anxiously at the draenei. "At least, I think it worked—Saethra, say something!"

"What…the hell…" Saethra croaked.

"She speaks!" Calie crowed. "Now, try getting up…"

Saethra carefully maneuvered herself into a sitting position. She saw that she was sitting on a stone slab in one of the Vault's back rooms. Racks of vials and other stone blocks filled the area.

Looking down at herself, she saw that she was clad only in the simple black garments she normally wore under her armor. A close examination of her bare arm showed fine stitch marks on her forearm.

"What happened?" she asked Calie.

"What happened is that I am a genius!" Calie shouted. She began a spinning dance around the room, singing to herself. "A genius, a genius, Calamity is a genius…"

Saethra frowned. "Apart from that."

"Desric and Alara brought you back all dead-looking. They said that you fell off a proto-drake. I had to cut you up and put all your bones back together." Calie frowned. "Draenei anatomy is really weird."

"You did _what?" _Saethra shrieked.

"Hey, relax. I made everyone leave before I took off all your clothes." The gnome winked at her. "Nice navel piercing, by the way."

Saethra choked. "You took off my—"

"Well, how else was I supposed to do surgery?" Calie said in reasonable tones. "And like I said, I made everyone leave."

"What do you mean by everyone?" Saethra demanded. "Don't tell me that the entire Shadow Vault was in here admiring my piercing."

"A few people may have found out…"

"How many is a few?"

"Not that many! Er…well…everyone," Calie muttered, wilting under Saethra's glare.

Saethra swore in Draenei. "I am going to kill you, Calamity!" she yelled.

"That's hardly the way to treat someone who brought you back to life," Calie said sternly.

Saethra rolled her eyes. "_Thank you_, Calie. And if you messed up any of my joints, I will see to your slow and painful demise."

"So nice to be appreciated," the gnome beamed happily.

Saethra swung her legs over the edge of the stone slab. "And so we exist another day," she sighed. "Although," she smirked, suddenly brightening, "I do have a very nice navel piercing…"

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><p>AN: I'd love to have a couple of reviews... Please, tell me what you think! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **This chapter contains a dwarf. Said dwarf speaks with a dwarven accent. If I've screwed it up horribly...have mercy! And review! :D

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><p><em>The Shadow Vault<em>

Calamity couldn't believe it.

She and Saethra had been chosen to go on a special mission into enemy territory.

Well, it wouldn't be just the two of them. Calie had never imagined that she and Saethra would get an opportunity like that! As she stood in the Shadow Vault's courtyard with Saethra, Desric and Alara waiting for the other two members of their group to arrive, she was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Relax," Saethra said, looking down at the grinning gnome. "The others will be here any minute."

"I know that," Calie said crossly. "I _do _pay attention, you know."

As Saethra turned her head back towards the Shadow Vault tower, Calie could have sworn that she heard the draenei mutter, "Could have fooled me."

She was about to remind the other death knight that if it weren't for her, Saethra wouldn't be standing there, when two heavily armored figures emerged from the Vault and made their way toward them.

The first was a human, with a gigantic sword strapped across his back and a manic grin on his face.

Desric rolled his eyes. "Took your sweet time, didn't you, Jordyn?"

Jordyn's grin widened further than Calie would have thought possible. "Bloodscreamer needed sharpening," he said, indicating his sword. "Because some of us actually care about our equipment."

Desric gave the other man a contemptuous look. "The way you go on about that sword, you'd think it was your wife. 'Bloodscreamer wants this,' 'Bloodscreamer did that,' 'Bloodscreamer devoured forty souls today'," he said in an exaggerated falsetto.

"I'd like to see you cleave vrykul heads with those puny butter knives of yours," Jordyn returned. "Bloodscreamer gets the job _done_."

"You are both completely mad," Alara said in her usual emotionless voice. "I do not understand this human obsession with weapons. It seems as if you are…" the night elf paused, frowning, as she tried to think of the appropriate Common word.

"Compensating for something?" Calie suggested.

The two humans gave her dirty looks.

"Who's up for some punting later?" Jordyn muttered.

Calie swelled with indignation at the mention of the dreaded p-word, and was about to retort angrily when a familiar, accented voice rang out suddenly.

"What is your name?" Saethra demanded of the second death knight, who had sneaked over while Calie was distracted by the humans' discussion.

"Oh, no," Calie whispered, biting her lip anxiously. The other death knight was an orc.

Saethra _hated _orcs.

"The name's Drin," the orc said affably. Fortunately, he didn't seem too offended by the draenei's harsh tone.

"Hmm," Saethra said, frowning. She walked over to stand in front of Drin, and to the general astonishment of everyone except Calie, grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up to scrutinize his face.

"Do I pass inspection?" Drin croaked after a few moments.

Saethra nodded shortly and loosened her grip, letting the other death knight crash to the ground. "You are not the orc I'm looking for."

"She's looking for an orc?" Jordyn asked Desric.

"Old grudge. Long story. None of your business."

"So…" Calie said brightly into the awkward silence. "Drin! You're Frost, right?"

"Sure am!" he replied cheerfully.

"Excellent!" Calie beamed. "This means our team is symmetrical. Two from each school!"

"By the Naaru…" Saethra muttered, looking slightly nauseated. "Looks like we've found someone as happy as Calie. I never thought I'd see the day."

"I do not want to interrupt, but can we please leave?" Alara asked. "We have a mission—"

"A _quest_, Alara. 'Mission' sounds too much like work."

"Shut up, Desric," the night elf said.

Calie looked around the courtyard. "Do we get mounts?" she asked.

"Of course!" Desric said scornfully. "Do you think they expect us to infiltrate Onslaught Harbor on foot? We'll be flying."

Saethra winced at the last word. "I hate flying," she complained, scowling at Desric.

Calie snickered. After the draenei had recovered from her...unfortunate mishap involving an airborne proto-drake and hard ground, she had promptly sought out Desric and berated him. Said beratement was loud, lengthy, explicit and very public.

Fortunately, each death knight would have their own mount, thus (hopefully) preventing any mishaps that would result in unnecessary drama between team members. They would be riding skeletal gryphons, which Calie thought were horribly conspicuous for an espionage mission, but what did she know? At least the undead flyers were docile enough that even Saethra could control one.

The sextet made their way over to the roost, where they were greeted by a wizened dwarf with Wildhammer tattoos. Calie couldn't for the unlife of her remember his name.

"Heard ye lot was goin' on a mission," the dwarf rumbled. "Dinna worry; I've got the perfect mounts fer all of ye. But if ye get so much as a scratch on one of me beauties…" He patted the beak of the nearest gryphon. "There'll be hell to pay!" he finished in an ominous tone, fingering the hammer strapped to his back, which was enormous and covered with glowing runes and wicked spikes.

"Hear that?" Saethra muttered, elbowing Desric. "Not a scratch."

"Now then," the dwarf continued, seeing that he had successfully cowed his audience. "Alara, ye'll be goin' on Dreadfeather here." A large, red-armored gryphon padded over to the night elf, who swung herself into the creature's saddle as though born to it.

"It is similar to a hippogryph," she said in answer to Saethra's wide-eyed stare.

"Desric, ye're ridin' Savage. She's a bit wild—"

"I hadn't noticed," Desric muttered, eyeing the blue-armored gryphon warily as she approached. He reached towards the reins, and she snapped at his hand. "I can see how she got her name—ow!"

"An' don't touch her head," the dwarf added.

"I would never have _guessed _that…"

"Oh, stop complaining," Calie told him cheerily. "And why'd you yell like that? You can't feel pain anyway."

"It's a reflex," the human retorted as the dwarf assigned Jordyn to an irritable gryphon named Bloodtalon.

"Drin, this is Plaguebeak. She dinna like orcs, but she'll cooperate. _Won't you, Plaguebeak?" _the dwarf told the gryphon in a threatening tone. She made a raspy cooing sound. "Good girl. Saethra, ye can ride Gloomwing."

"Such creative names," the draenei said dryly.

"I try. Calamity, ye're with Deathtail. He's small, ye should be able t' control him."

Calie turned to examine the purple-armored gryphon that came sauntering towards her and immediately saw the reason for his name: a jagged saronite barb had been affixed to the tip of his bony tail.

She hoisted herself onto the gryphon's back. "We're going to have fun, aren't we, Deathtail?" she asked the undead mount.

Deathtail flexed his wings and answered her with a loud, guttural chirp.


End file.
